In the state of the union, our esteemed president told us that we need to band together as a nation to stand firm against a grave new threat to our nation—and indeed to our very way of life. He was talking, of course, about the growing problem of the creation of human-animal hybrids.
And that's why it's simply shocking to see that the Department of Homeland Security—the very group that is supposed to keep us safe—is trying to brainwash America's children into not only accepting human-animal hybrids, but looking up to them. This is a threat far more serious than that posed by Harry Potter, more serious even than the war against Christmas. After all, once our children have meekly submitted to the government-sactioned, half-animal spawn of Satan, and are forced to do their evil bidding, holiday greeting cards will be the least of our worries.
So I call on everyone to stand up and demand that the government stop paying lip service to preserving the sanctity of creation while behind our backs it teaches our children that abominations of nature are to be respected and emulated. This is our sacred duty. The animal-people must not prevail.
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